Filthy Barbarian class has no place in current state

This is the LAST STRAW, Trendy. I have officially lost all hope in this game with the release of the Barbarian. My frustrations with this class have reached the MAX LEVEL OF FRUSTRATION. This wimpy child is supposed to be the Barbarian class we were promised? This is nothing like what was described to us by my previous post. It seems NOT A SINGLE DEMAND WAS MET. I don't know how I can continue playing such a game where my demands are not put into motion. There is no excuse to this embarrassment that was released for us to play as. Please know, Trendy, this is not too far gone. You can correct all your mistakes with the Barbarian by at least ATTEMPTING to take my advice this time.

First off, ladies, take this moment to unbunch your panties and open your ears and take a listen to what I got to say. In the past, I specifically pointed out that Dungeon Defenders lacked a distinct MEN. The community as a whole gathered around and unified as one entity to get this message to the developers and demanded immediate action. Unfortunately, we did not get anything we asked for. Where are the DANGER AXES? Where is the glorious BEARD? Where is the beautiful locks of CHEST HAIR to adorn a chiseled man's chest? And what of the DANGER MOVES? I can tell you where these things aren't, and that is anywhere in this game.

You know what we got instead of MANPOWER? We first received the male hunter. Do I even need to go beyond the frilly half-shirt showing off his navel to explain exactly how much this character is just another girl? I shouldn't, and I won't. After that, we FINALLY received the Barbarian, who as I explained previously, IS NOT A MAN. We need this to be FIXED, and it needs to be FIXED NOW. As the official spokesperson of the community, I say that THEY BROKE IT SO THEY SHOULD FIX IT, AND NOW.

As an intelligent and contributing member of the community, I will even offer my insight in how the Barbarian can be changed from its current state to something totally MANLY and AWESOME. Please Trendy, look back on your promises and make some real changes to make this game have some MANPOWER.



WAYS TO CHANGE THE BARBARIAN INTO SOMETHING AWESOME

[LIST=1]
CHANGES TO STANCES
The stances were SINGLE STEP into the right direction, but they shortly after TRIPPED and FELL down the spiraling staircase of WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. All of the stances need changes in order for the Barbarian to become a man.

TORNADO STANCE will not become HURRICANE DEATHKILL STANCE. In HURRICANE DEATHKILL STANCE, nothing survives against the sheer might of the storm you summon that envelops the entire map in a storm of chaos. It does not simply rain in this stance, BUT INSTEAD IS RAINS RUSTY NAILS. If your enemies are not killed by the raining nails, they will most certainly get tet**** and die from that if they have not had their shots!

LIGHTNING STANCE will now become THUNDERDEATH STANCE. The core mechanics of this stance remain the same. The only change is that once stunned by THUNDERDEATH STANCE, you are stunned PERMANENTLY. This stance can be combined with HURRICANE DEATHKILL STANCE so that they rusty nails will also PERMANENTLY STUN all who are struck by a nail.

SIPHON STANCE will now become MAKE THE ENEMIES BELIEVE THEY HAVE A CHANCE STANCE. Let's face it, the idea of sacrificing defense to become stronger is a stupid idea if you only sacrifice some. Instead, in this updated stance, the Barbarian loses ALL STATS AND EVERYTHING IS AT 0. The point of this is to trick your enemies that they can kill you, only to have them realize NOTHING CAN KILL A REAL MAN EXCEPT AN EVEN MANLIER REAL MAN.

TURTLE STANCE will now become LIONTRUCK STANCE. Slow and steady wins the race? YEAH RIGHT. More like AWESOME and MORE AWESOME is ULTRA TURBO AWESOME. In LIONTRUCK STANCE, you become shielding by a POWERFUL LION'S MANE made of car parts and rims. You do not suffer the slow from the old Turtle Stance, but instead you get gradually FASTER and FASTER as you continue to use the stance. You will become SO FAST that you break the sound barrier and turn around just to PUNCH IT IN THE GUT.

HAWK STANCE will now become MIGHTY BALD EAGLE STANCE. In this stance, the Barbarian carries around the mighty American flag as he continues his conquest across Etheria to crush and destroy all in his path. Nothing will stop the Barbarian (except Liberals) when he is in the MIGHTY BALD EAGLE STANCE.

CHANGES TO CHARACTER MODEL

This one is very simple and I do not get into detail with it. It is very, very simple. The following additions to the Barbarian's model need to be made: a MIGHTY BEARD, CHEST HAIR, TURBO MUSCLES, AND A CHARACTER MODEL THAT ISN'T 12.

CHANGES TO USABLE WEAPONS

The SISSY GIRL WEAPONS that are available to the Barbarian now are SISSY GIRL WEAPONS. The Barbarian needs REAL WEAPONS. The Barbarian needs DANGER AXES. Give the Barbarian his damn DANGER AXES so he can perform his DANGER MOVES and annihilate any form of life that has ever lived in Etheria with a single stroke of his mighty DANGER AXES.



It is YOUR MOVE, Trendy. Will your continue down your path of womanhood until you reach menopause, or will your be like REAL MEN just like you promised ABRAHAM LINCOLN all those years ago? The ball is in your court.



[QUOTE]"I sure hope that if anyone were to ever invent some sort of moving picture game based on a fantasy world where you defend crystals from waves of hellspawn, they would make sure you could be a real man, like a barbarian."[/QUOTE]
- Former president Abraham Lincoln. 1912.




Previous post on the demands for Barbarian class for reference - http://forums.trendyent.com/showthread.php?16701-Mandatory-requirements-for-the-barbarian

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LACK OF DETAIL IN THE LAST TWO CATEGORIES. I will be back to make edits and make sure all is well. For now, I am very tired because of all this built up frustration that I need to take a man nap.

For a second, I thought this was serious.

Entitlement is strong with this one, yes.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LACK OF DETAIL IN THE LAST TWO CATEGORIES. I will be back to make edits and make sure all is well. For now, I am very tired because of all this built up frustration that I need to take a man nap.

I only saw one catagory, most people call it Trolling. Don't do it, it's decades old and just plain bad.

I love the sound of Liontruck stance.

Nerd.

I thought this was pretty epic. Abe Lincoln's demands must be obeyed!!!

Um, guys.... he's really not trolling. Go back and read the first post. It is seriously one of, if not the most, funny pieces on these forums.

Relax and enjoy yourselves, we're all here to have fun.

Nerd.

totally agree with you

this post made my day/life

Like your writing style.

/Brofist

This is the LAST STRAW, Trendy. I have officially lost all hope in this game with the release of the Barbarian. My frustrations with this class have reached the MAX LEVEL OF FRUSTRATION. This wimpy child is supposed to be the Barbarian class we were promised? This is nothing like what was described to us by my previous post. It seems NOT A SINGLE DEMAND WAS MET. I don't know how I can continue playing such a game where my demands are not put into motion. There is no excuse to this embarrassment that was released for us to play as. Please know, Trendy, this is not too far gone. You can correct all your mistakes with the Barbarian by at least ATTEMPTING to take my advice this time.

First off, ladies, take this moment to unbunch your panties and open your ears and take a listen to what I got to say. In the past, I specifically pointed out that Dungeon Defenders lacked a distinct MEN. The community as a whole gathered around and unified as one entity to get this message to the developers and demanded immediate action. Unfortunately, we did not get anything we asked for. Where are the DANGER AXES? Where is the glorious BEARD? Where is the beautiful locks of CHEST HAIR to adorn a chiseled man's chest? And what of the DANGER MOVES? I can tell you where these things aren't, and that is anywhere in this game.

You know what we got instead of MANPOWER? We first received the male hunter. Do I even need to go beyond the frilly half-shirt showing off his navel to explain exactly how much this character is just another girl? I shouldn't, and I won't. After that, we FINALLY received the Barbarian, who as I explained previously, IS NOT A MAN. We need this to be FIXED, and it needs to be FIXED NOW. As the official spokesperson of the community, I say that THEY BROKE IT SO THEY SHOULD FIX IT, AND NOW.

As an intelligent and contributing member of the community, I will even offer my insight in how the Barbarian can be changed from its current state to something totally MANLY and AWESOME. Please Trendy, look back on your promises and make some real changes to make this game have some MANPOWER.



WAYS TO CHANGE THE BARBARIAN INTO SOMETHING AWESOME

[LIST=1]
CHANGES TO STANCES
The stances were SINGLE STEP into the right direction, but they shortly after TRIPPED and FELL down the spiraling staircase of WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. All of the stances need changes in order for the Barbarian to become a man.

TORNADO STANCE will not become HURRICANE DEATHKILL STANCE. In HURRICANE DEATHKILL STANCE, nothing survives against the sheer might of the storm you summon that envelops the entire map in a storm of chaos. It does not simply rain in this stance, BUT INSTEAD IS RAINS RUSTY NAILS. If your enemies are not killed by the raining nails, they will most certainly get tet**** and die from that if they have not had their shots!

LIGHTNING STANCE will now become THUNDERDEATH STANCE. The core mechanics of this stance remain the same. The only change is that once stunned by THUNDERDEATH STANCE, you are stunned PERMANENTLY. This stance can be combined with HURRICANE DEATHKILL STANCE so that they rusty nails will also PERMANENTLY STUN all who are struck by a nail.

SIPHON STANCE will now become MAKE THE ENEMIES BELIEVE THEY HAVE A CHANCE STANCE. Let's face it, the idea of sacrificing defense to become stronger is a stupid idea if you only sacrifice some. Instead, in this updated stance, the Barbarian loses ALL STATS AND EVERYTHING IS AT 0. The point of this is to trick your enemies that they can kill you, only to have them realize NOTHING CAN KILL A REAL MAN EXCEPT AN EVEN MANLIER REAL MAN.

TURTLE STANCE will now become LIONTRUCK STANCE. Slow and steady wins the race? YEAH RIGHT. More like AWESOME and MORE AWESOME is ULTRA TURBO AWESOME. In LIONTRUCK STANCE, you become shielding by a POWERFUL LION'S MANE made of car parts and rims. You do not suffer the slow from the old Turtle Stance, but instead you get gradually FASTER and FASTER as you continue to use the stance. You will become SO FAST that you break the sound barrier and turn around just to PUNCH IT IN THE GUT.

HAWK STANCE will now become MIGHTY BALD EAGLE STANCE. In this stance, the Barbarian carries around the mighty American flag as he continues his conquest across Etheria to crush and destroy all in his path. Nothing will stop the Barbarian (except Liberals) when he is in the MIGHTY BALD EAGLE STANCE.

CHANGES TO CHARACTER MODEL

This one is very simple and I do not get into detail with it. It is very, very simple. The following additions to the Barbarian's model need to be made: a MIGHTY BEARD, CHEST HAIR, TURBO MUSCLES, AND A CHARACTER MODEL THAT ISN'T 12.

CHANGES TO USABLE WEAPONS

The SISSY GIRL WEAPONS that are available to the Barbarian now are SISSY GIRL WEAPONS. The Barbarian needs REAL WEAPONS. The Barbarian needs DANGER AXES. Give the Barbarian his damn DANGER AXES so he can perform his DANGER MOVES and annihilate any form of life that has ever lived in Etheria with a single stroke of his mighty DANGER AXES.



It is YOUR MOVE, Trendy. Will your continue down your path of womanhood until you reach menopause, or will your be like REAL MEN just like you promised ABRAHAM LINCOLN all those years ago? The ball is in your court.




- Former president Abraham Lincoln. 1912.




Previous post on the demands for Barbarian class for reference - http://forums.trendyent.com/showthread.php?16701-Mandatory-requirements-for-the-barbarian

wow... and people say im bad for the community..

holy **** my sides

I enjoyed the post. :)

At first I was like

-.-

Then,

XD I lol'ed

someone has a hair fetish it seems..

this is the manliest post that will ever grace this pathetic forum.

Would we use Saxton Hale as a model for your suggested changes?

Conan the Barbarian did not have a beard.

End of thread.