Leaked 7.12 notes

* All: Slowed fast menu animations by about 33%.

* All: Players cannot use the words "join," "=", or "kick" in any game lobby title.

* All: Additional projectiles can now be upgraded every level and have no cap.

* All: The Giraffe on a Treadmill has been changed to the Giraffe on a Cross-trainer. We feel this is much more humorous.

* PvE: Fixed a bug where the Van Wolf/Sicarus did too much damage.

* PvE: Fixed a bug where the Dark Elf Warrior ignored buildings and attacked players.

* PvE: Added a new type of loot: MONSTER loot! Weapons/armor of the monster variety have a minimum of 100 upgrades. However, it can only be obtained on Wave 25 of survival, and only by those with the Legendary Defender Achievement.

* PvP: Players who pick up the flag cannot move, are turned into a magic missile tower based on the team member with the highest tower stats, and must be defended for a set amount of time before the flag is automatically capped.

* PvP: Every time a player death occurs, a piece of equipment they are wearing falls to the ground and can be looted by anyone in the same game.

These are all the notes I've managed to get so far, let me know if you guys make any further progress.

:p

I'd have believed it if you added something about making Squires 50% slower.

The part about VW made me giggle :)

* All: Added test server functionality. Actual inclusion of test server TBD.
* All: Implemented measures to better distract Trendy Employees from the task at hand which removed a bug of not having enough patches in a short time frame.

* PvE: Plan to remove Monster quality loot from the game a couple hours after putting it in continuing with our game philosophy.

* PvP: Added a second flag Frostdale CTF map because we didn't know what CTF was at the time.

All: Made all classes do the same damage.
All: Nerfed any new revised strategies.
PvE: Ninjas now do 9001 damage.
All: Female characters do 40% less damage than male characters as per typical gaming standard.
All: Made quick join more random.

* PvE: Fixed a bug where the Dark Elf Warrior ignored buildings and attacked players.

Oh god.. ahahahahahahha

pve: Ninjas now do 9001 damage.

over 9000?!?

* PVE: Recalibrated the ramps of all pre-existing difficulty levels after the introduction of Nightmare. Buffed insane difficulty ramp by 80%, hard by 80%, medium by 120% and easy by 100%.
* PVE: Plan on nerf said difficulty ramps by 80% (insane and hard), 120% (medium) and easy (130%) in 7.12g.

I laughed.

Patch notes are ripe for parody.

* PvE: Fixed a bug where the Van Wolf/Sicarus did damage.

Fixed that for ya ;)

If Trendy decided to just say to you all:

"We think the game is done in it's current incarnation, we will be back in 1 month to sell a DLC to who ever is around" I think they would be justified in doing so.

Did you use up your $15 worth?

No: Well, If you played it for at least 5-10 hours, I'm pretty sure you did, if not, you would of got a refund 3 weeks ago and would not be here.

1) Yes: Game over. Move along.
2) Yes: "Hey Trendy, sell us more DLC content" and wait for said content to arrive and "grind" old content while we wait.

*additional notes*

All: Now when players load the game, they will be forced to press start via a controller, as there is no start button on mouse or keyboard. Typing "start" will be considered "asking for it" and mothers will be called and informed to love you less.

All: Revamped the menu. We felt that the menu progresson of
Press Start>
Menu>
Multi-Player Mode>
Select Hero a screen>
select hero b screen>
confirm select hero>
play online match select>
select multiplayer game in progress>

was not enough of a time sink, so we made it so if you press the back button at any time, instead of taking you back one step, it would literally take you "back" to the beginning and make you start the process over again. This would ensure any chance you had of changing your character to avoid being rage booted from the game impossible as by the time you go back through the menu it will most likely be gone.

*correction this has already been applied and is working as intended*

If Trendy decided to just say to you all:

"We think the game is done in it's current incarnation, we will be back in 1 month to sell a DLC to who ever is around" I think they would be justified in doing so.

Did you use up your $15 worth?

No: Well, If you played it for at least 5-10 hours, I'm pretty sure you did, if not, you would of got a refund 3 weeks ago and would not be here.

1) Yes: Game over. Move along.
2) Yes: "Hey Trendy, sell us more DLC content" and wait for said content to arrive and "grind" old content while we wait.

I feel I finished 10 dollars of gameplay. An additional 10 worth on my mods though.

They should add super loot to your inventory if you enter the Konami code :p

* PVE: Fixed a bug where sometimes the ogres didn't shoot your crystal straight after spawning.
* PVE: Increased the number of monsters spawned in survival rounds by 30%
* PVE: Fixed a bug where DPS characters could sometimes kill ninjas. Ninjas can now only be killed by towers (if they havn't decided to sprint straight behind them while invincible and 2 shot the towers).

* All: Slowed fast menu animations by about 33%.

I was actually waiting for this... lol.

*PVE: Do to popular demand we added a timer back into insane survival. It increases by one minute each wave and waves cannot be started manually
*PVE: All dropped items now disappear after 15 seconds.

All: Fixed bug where Steam sometimes loses connection after Wave 10 in Survival. Steam now loses connection every time.

PVE: Fixed a bug that Mages could summon limited amount of skeletons will now raised to infinite

PvE: Fixed a bug where mages were summoning skeletons in front of your defenses.
PvE: Fixed a bug where archer arrows that missed the player also occasionally missed the crystal. They will now always hit the crystal unless the player blocks them.
PvE: Hosts of custom games now can specify a time-period after which teammates not on their Steam friends list are automatically kicked & banned. This is currently enabled for all games with a 2 second minimum and a 5 second maximum, but were' considering decreasing the maximum in future updates.
Survival: Players joining an in-progress Survival match cause the loot ramp to be reset to the equivalent of wave 1 for all participants. Even if that player is then kicked in 2-5 seconds.
PC, Gameplay selection: Have slowed the menu transitions outside of the game by 100%. Have added confirmation dialog for each step in selecting gameplay method, including character select, etc. User must provide confirmation by a 19 digit PIN (provided by Trendy) at each step. Failure to correctly enter the PIN at any step returns you to the Start menu.
PC, Bug fixes: Fixed a bug where sometimes the local game files were intermittently corrupted during exiting the game. Game files are now /always/ corrupted during exiting the game, and must be manually verified to cause a re-download.

PvE: Added a 10 minute "rest period" in survival. This rest period will trigger every time 1k creeps are killed.
PvE: Increased cap of survival creeps to be 10,001.
PvE: Creeps cap in survival is now reached at wave 6.

All: Added a FUN mode for people who don't want to spend hours fighting through survival but still want to have fun too.
All: Shipping out free catheters to hardcore dlc buyers.
All: Added Hell Mode where you can't get past room 1 of deeper well on insane. Lets see how many hardcore player stop playing.
All: Super mega OP Za Warudo loot added for those who can reach max level on survival.

Sweet! Looking forward to my free cath!!

terrible satire would not read again