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MaJean

This is not the time nor the place...

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But if you will listen, please know this is my story, even if it makes me cry writing it.

If someone would send me positive thoughts right now, as I seem to be losing my girlfriend and best friend through 9 years. She has decided to end us, and go on a different path, with another man. 

We have been through it all. This has been the worst relationship, but also the best relationship. I will leave this richer, but also more scarred than I was before. When I started dating her, I discovered she suffered from Borderline personality disorder. 

She was extremely jealous and this made life very very difficult. I stuck with her and loved her through all of the craziness. I have been thrown out into the rainy night more times than I can remember. I have have had weird discussions about exes from before I met her, many many times. I have been hit, clawed, spit at, stabbed with utensils. Kicked in the groin. Threatened to have the police called on me. Kitchen plates and drinking glasses shattered all over the kitchen.

I have comforted her when she cried. We both cried a lot. We could have had three children now, but they ended in three abortions. One because she was on medication and the doctor said the fetus could be damaged. The other I didn´t know if was mine. The doctor said I could be 99% sure it was mine, but that was 1 percent saying it was this one night stand of hers. The third one will haunt me untill the day I die. That is where I think we had just given up.

I have cleaned up her pool of blood from the bathroom floor after she used to cut herself. I have held her and cleaned her up again many many times. The cuts were so deep. I have taken her by the hand and witnessed her throw the knife into a manhole cover into the ground. She would never hurt herself with that knife again.

Maybe now I can actually start having friends on steam. Maybe now I can start adding all the friends back on facebook that you erased. Maybe now I can go visit my family and my friends if any of them are still around for me. I know you didn´t do all of this on purpose.

My best friend. My love. You are better now. You can go have a meaningful relationship with someone new. A clean slate. There is just so much hurt in our past, and I honestly just want you to be happy. Even if it´s not with me. 

I will always love you J.


M.


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Hey man, it may not be the time and place and I don't know you but...but...I've watched your videos, had got chats, and honestly you enjoy reading your post on the forums on the down days....

It's a rough period and you may not believe me right now..but 15 years from now you'll look back and say wow, what I great life I have even though you feel like a complete mess over this person that you think is the one right now. 

Been there, you won't know it now, but better days to come

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Thanks for sharing your story, Majean. I respect your courage to share something so personal, i can't do anything, but i highly want you to know that i, aswell as i'm sure a lot of people from this forum, will be wishing only the best things for you from now on. Your story was very touching and emotional and i know many people will relate to bits of it. If you don't mind me sharing my thoughts, i believe destiny is always pushing us in the right direction, even when the worst things happens there's always something in there who is helping us to grow, to become stronger, to teach us. What you lived, even through all the bad moments you have had, i'm sure those were very special moments for you, and i really hope you keep strong to seek what lies ahead, because i'm sure good things will come for you. Only the best wishes for you, man, and thanks for sharing this part of your life with us.

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Hey Majean, I'm terribly sorry to hear what happened. Stay strong man, I believe you'll get through this and get through this better and wiser. There's always more to life! :)

You're an awesome person and I'm sure many other too, enjoyed having you and seeing what you did at this forum. So remember, you'll always have friends here.

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You might be sad now but in a few years, you will be SO happier

Stuff like cut herself? I will sound probably like Ahole, but she should be somewhere in a facility taking some SSRIs or hard therapies. You need to think about the future too - when you would have kids together for example. Me personally, I wouldn't want my kids to have an ill mother that does not respect her life and do all that things you mentioned. 

Yes, I know, you fall in love with someone and you just keep overseeing all *** and so and so, I did same (well, similar, this is too much :D).  

I hope this did not trigger you but from what I read, the reality is that she did not deserve you anyway.


PS: Cool you can have steam friends, that means we can run some maps <3

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That sadness you feel hurts, but you can only do what you can do. If she does not appreciate it that's not your fault. Maybe she can not see it now but in a few years she will look back on this time and realise all the things you put up with, everything you did for her, for both of you. She was very lucky to have someone look out for her, not all of us have that. 

There are always people who do care about you, and right now you might need to reach out to them. Even though I've never talked to you before, I wish you all the best. I hope you can find happiness again. I, for one, will be thinking of you, wishing you the best, wherever life takes you next.

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I can be quite blunt in this situation which everyone needs but don't go writing stuff on forums but instead go talk to other people.  This isn't the place for it nor will it reap you any benefit besides reading responses

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Thank you all for your kind responses. You all helped me more than you know. 

If any of you guys ever want to add me ingame, feel free. 


M.

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I will share some of my life experiences with you, and maybe you can draw some comfort or parallels from that. I will try to avoid telling you what to do, as we all must live our own lives. Instead, i will tell you what i went through, and what i learned. Much of it is very similar.  I will never know your pain, but no one will ever know mine either. 

I dated a woman for over 5 years. She was severely mentally damaged, as many people are, but mostly good at hiding it from everyone else. I saw the light in her and was drawn to that. The rest, i had hoped that i could fix, or at least help with. I am usually the "shoulder" for many friends and lovers. I am a good listener, which means i always listen to others' issues, but no one really ever listen to my own. I had hoped i could help her through the paranoia, jealousy, father issues, abuse, rape, abortions, verbal abuse, drinking problems, and cutting... I cleaned up pools of blood. I helped her find the root cause for many of her issues, and tried to help her get past those deep seeded issues. I had hoped that if i just stuck with it, that we could make it work. i did not want to give up. I did not want to quit. I decided - i want to make this work, and i put all of me into it. I tied the anchor around my neck, and jumped in. 

My Ex was a drinker, and became horrifically abusive in that state, both mentally and physically. I cleaned up so much puke, piss, and blood - l lost count. I never retaliated. I just pried the knife out of her hand, stopping her from hurting herself, while people who heard all the commotion were quick to blame me, as i am a very big guy, and the  natural conclusion everyone makes is that i must be the abuser. I tried to not add to her pain, and be there when she needed someone. Show her that love can be stronger than pain, if you only give yourself to it. But i learned in the end, it was always one-sided. I loved more than i ever got. She was never there for me, as i was for her. 

My parents were sick from cancer, and died while i was dating this person, and i got to the lowest point in my life i have ever been. Even in that time, she kicked me when i was down. She was the kind that would hurt you, then beg for an apology. What i learned in life - is that there are "doers" and "don'ts". Doers do. Don'ts do not. If someone hits you - they will do it again. If someone cheats on you - they will do it again. If someone hurts themselves - they will do it again, and that is not your fault. Don'ts - do not do these things. Someone who respects and loves you, does not have to ask for forgiveness, because they don't do things that require them to do so. 

I stayed WAAAAAYYYY too long with a doer. I though she could change. Instead, i changed. I let an deep sadness into me that was not there before. I deserved better that i ever got from this person. I stayed for all the wrong reasons, and for far too long. It was not my job to fix her. I ignored the signs and red flags, and i suffered because of that. Yes, i loved her, and she was my best friend - but she was also my bully and my tormentor. The last year we were together, i spent getting her to leave me. I was afraid if i left her, she would hurt herself to the point that i would not be able to live with myself. So instead i slowly drove her off until she left of her own free will, but i lost a whole year of my life in doing so. 

I learned that if you caught someone cheating - that likely was not the only time. I learned that if someone is irrationally jealous of you - it likely means they are the one doing the thing they are accusing you of. I was the victim of the things i was often accused of. 

Real love is easy. It does not require so much effort. The right person does not make you hurt - at all. The person i dated, and married after this ex - i have been with for coming up on 12 years now. Never once have we screamed at each other. Never once was any cheating happened. Never once have i had to pull a knife out of her hand. She does not do those things. Instead she supports me, listens, and loves me deeply. 

I should not have wasted so much of my life on the obviously wrong  person. That Ex hurt me all the time. That is not love. I was a big fool, and the person i most fooled was myself. I had to see the thing for what it is - a damaged person who was never going to be the "don't" i wanted and needed. I am glad we aborted, because i cannot imagine that person being a mother to a child of mine. I am so much happier now. I looked for the red flags, and listed to my head and my heart. Life and love are a lot easier when it all works. It is up to all of us to learn from the mistakes of our past so that we do not repeat them. I ignored that, and paid an heavy price. No more. 

I will be the man i want to be, with someone that respects me for doing so. I don't like to fight. I don't like to hurt. My own past has too much physical, mental, and sexual abuse - i don't need to add to the list. I just want to be happy, and enjoy life. I finally found someone that helps me do so. I look back with only 1 regret with that ex - i waited so long to get out. I did not trust that voice inside of me. I am sad that my parents never got to meet the light and love of my life before they passed on. But, all i need is someone to be there for me now - and she is. Takes just a little effort, and no pain. 

So i know the pain of loss. Of being accused, cheated on, and beaten. Still i stand tall. i will not let the darkness win out, because i want more out of life then the bottom of a shoe. And i will never be the one to raise my fist in anger, no matter how deserved it may be, and how righteous people claim it is to do so. You cannot kill the monster without becoming it yourself. We all must decide who we want to be, and then walk that path. Know when you are the wrong path, and have the courage to go a different way. 

I hope any of that helps. Life can be a rough place, but we can make it better through our own choices. I decided to stop letting an anchor around my neck drag me down. I decided to be happy, and found someone that helps me get there. I hope that you decide on something that will help you get to where you want to be, and for the better. Good luck! 

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Thank you for this Jaws. 

I am completely blown away by this post of yours, and have the utmost respect for you, and will from now on consider you to be an angel in human form. You, if anyone, deserve to be happy for the rest of your life. I wish the world had more people like you. 

M.

@Jaws_420 quote:


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@Jaws_420 quote:

-snip-

I'll definitely second Majean here too! I don't think I could've said it any better.

Also, I would like to thank both you and Majean here for sharing your experiences. I am no way in that phase of life yet but these gave quite some insights for me to prepare for and hopefully avoid the insanity. It also sparked a very good discussion with my dad who also did provide great insights and advises too.

Again, thank you both. It's kinda in a way an eye-opener in some aspects for me. And kudos to you both too, to be able to make it through all that!

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