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NM4 etiquette (aka a guide for dummies)

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I'm making this as sort of a joke post but also a sorta it's also gotta get said post. Harb patch has made the majority of players think they either A) belong in nm4 despite being far from ready for it or B) made nm4 players revert back to being soul sucking leechers who forgot how to play this game. Both case scenarios have caused me to console disconnect more times in the past few weeks than ever before. A lot of what I will be covering is the basics. I fully expect some eyerolling and funny comments, so give em if you've got em. With that small rant out of the way, let's get started...

  1. We are not here to cater to you. Unless you're with a group of friends willing to carry you, do not enter randoms and expect the same. The rest of the community is not at your disposal. If you have no friends on at the time of play and want to random, politely ask if it's alright and then leave if it isn't. Believe it or not, a lot of us would rather you ask than just jump into a game in nm1 gear forcefully expecting us to be okay with it. More often than not, just by simply asking you will be kindly told no problem. YOU ARE ADMITTING YOU ARE IN THE WRONG AND LETTING THE REST OF US KNOW IT SO WE CAN KEEP AN EYE ON YOU AND MAKE SURE THINGS DON'T ASPLODE! This is a team game and by disguising yourself as a nm4 player who in reality isn't just makes things rougher on the rest of us who know what we are doing. Don't be that guy!
  2. If you don't belong there, don't be there. Learn what lane resists are, take note of where other players are. Don't be that huntress in a phys resist lane in nm1 gear expecting good results. Don't be that squire sitting in front of the person clearly controlling their lane without even breaking a sweat. Don't roam all match either. Pick a spot, stay in that spot until the wave starts winding down or help is needed elsewhere. I'm starting to get in the habit of kicking over this one and I'm not the only person. If you spend all match running around grabbing gems out of lanes you don't belong in, inspecting every drop no matter where it is on the map, letting walls and frosts get smashed and causing the rest of us to bail you out... then I simply have no use for you in my match. This is unacceptable behavior. As light-hearted as I'm trying to make this post, there is simply no way to sugarcoat this one. Quit being asshats please :)
  3. Know where your repair button is at all times. This one is kind of a no brainer, but the barapede build in harbl (yes he shall be known as cat genitalia to me) has made people forget the repair button even exists. I don't even care if only 300 hp is missing off a block, you still repair it when you safely can. There is no reason I should be my own mechanic after I built everything because the other 3 of you forgot how to use a wrench. I don't even care if it's a build phase, the bara won't remove your pinky (even though these heroes all have 3 fingers and a thumb), so kindly show it some proper attention and respect.
  4. Awareness wins games. The one wonderful thing about this game is that there are plenty of gaps between what you are doing to glance at the minimap, place an upgrade or a repair, or even bail on what you are doing to help a teammate out. Get in the habit of doing these things. Use pings, use your minimap, upgrade and repair when you can, help out people who are getting close to a really bad situation if you start seeing problems snowballing elsewhere. This isn't a contradiction to lesson 2 because technically you DO belong here if you are witnessing problems via your awareness. Just also have the awareness to know when you can bail to assist so that your own lane doesn't become the problem.
  5. Don't waste gems. Gem usage can ultimately turn a favorable match into an unfavorable one rather easily. So here are a few pointers on how to properly spend gems.
    A) frosties under no circumstances deserve any gems. Upgrading them does nothing of merit. If a kobold hits them and they live with 50hp, don't even upgrade them then. Repair and let the things rot on t1.
    B) serenities only deserve gems if you have tanks and the healing power isn't up to snuff. This happens a lot sadly because players aren't willing or generally able to farm monk in nm4, so you get wussy serenities from time to time that may merit a t2 status to be usable. A good rule of thumb is let the tank decide, not you.
    C) base wall upgrades purely on your teams performance. If you have good walls and people who can hold their lanes, don't be that guy t5-ing all the baras. And if you know your damage is low and your walls might take a little hurt, by all means invest a little into it to be safe. Be smart, don't just always spam them up to full.
    D) traps deserve all the love you can possibly give them. Feed them your gems, they are hungry!
    E) anything else... there shouldn't be an anything else ;p
    F) if you are doing fine in your lane and have gems to spend, consider donating them into a lane that's struggling. Don't be that guy in gates incursion who t4s every trap in his lane forgetting that a kobold rush lane exists elsewhere. Be that guy who makes the run a breeze for the whole team and not just himself.
    G) don't overspend. You want to leave yourself with enough to repair with. If you repair very often, you may want to consider saving more. If you are confident, you might want to consider less. But always have some repair gems.
  6. Come prepared. If you are planning to queue up for nm4 randoms, ffs have at least 4 heroes moderately geared and at level 50 in your deck. I'm so sick of every random joining my match saying all they have is dps hunt. This is assinine, purely assinine! I don't even care if all you bring is 3 dps and a tank, bring 4 heroes please. The heroes deck limits us all so the more variety you bring, the better off things tend to go. If you only have one hero, you don't belong here.
  7. Learn the content. I mean a few things here but wanted to put a nice, clean, easy to remember title to it. Basically this entails build related things. First off, if you are in an incursion then know the incursions quirks (don't be that guy who hits g on a resist swap). Secondly, learn the build for that map if you intend to build. Lastly, learn what meta is and when steering away from it is acceptible. Experimenting is fine and all, but do it privately please. I don't enjoy randoming into your wet condoms and static ticklers build.
  8. E-peen checks are welcomed. In Dungeon Defenders, there's two types of players... the ones that like to build and the ones that don't. If you are the type that does like to build (god bless you kind sir), don't demand to build. Be willing to cooperate with your team by offering to build things. Know your builder stats by heart and provide necessary info to your team for comparison sake. No we cannot tell what your frosty passives are by you simply putting one on the floor, nor can we really tell your stats via a tooltip either as they are blatantly bugged at all times. These are inconveniences for sure, but are easily bipassed with this wonderful thing called communication.
  9. When in doubt, ask questions. If you are in a game with someone clearly experienced, learn from them. Take the opportunity to pick their brain a little. Learning something new never hurt anyone. Knowledge is power, even in something as trivial as a video game. The more you know, the more opportunities you have to shine within the game. I'm not saying be a super nerd like myself, but try to expand beyond being a glorified tower we don't have to sink gems into.
  10. Have fun. It's a damn game, quit being uptight smegmas. If you enter one of my games and start acting like a prepubescant teenager on Call of Duty, I'm liable to call you a vulgarity, put you in your place then punt you if you continue. And vice versa. I don't invade your games and keyboard warrior you. So lighten up. Some of you drive me bananas but I rarely voice it because it's just a damn game. It's so much easier to just console disconnect and move on than to get into a typing frenzy over nothing important at all.
  11. Forgot to add this but this one urks me a bunch and I can't believe I forgot it. Edit ftw. It's your job to make sure gems go where they belong, it's not my job to fetch them. Simply put, Fed-ex those gems if I'm building. Far too many runs have gone down the toilet because of vanishing gems thanks to people being too damn lazy to move 3 feet and put them where they belong. If I'm doing the work of building, do me a solid and move your ass to me for gem distribution. And one more gripe... if I'm done building, quit running around like a chicken without its head. If I have to play tag, I'm keeping the gems. This should be common knowledge but far too many people are lazy or have keyboard tourettes.
I had someone ask me a few weeks ago after a match, "what's the best way to progress in this game?" My answer was this. Add to your deck, contribute where you can when you can and the best you can, and most importantly make some friends. I think that best summarizes this wall of text.

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