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[WTB] A few good laughs.....paying with Diamonds!!


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Hello fellow players of Trendy's only real game. I'm looking to buy a few laughs and will be paying with diamonds!!

Please post your favorites jokes or anything that you find funny and after a couple of days, I will either do a poll for the best, or pick the winners with some help from my friends.

If you are already flush with diamonds, please feel free to add to the hilarity, but let the others have a chance at these:

Winners:

Synergy_
Tora
shhquiet


Add me to collect. Whoever meets up with me first, picks first

Prizes

[spoiler]

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG][/spoiler]

I think I have had these checked, but will do so again when I announce the winners.


Edit: If anybody wants to add an item to this feel free to drop by my tavern, or send me the pic and I will add it here

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

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A blonde woman thinks that her husband is having an affair, so she she goes to the neares gun store and buys herslef a handgun. The following day she comes home only to find her husband in their bed with a beatutyful redhead. She takes out the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of the bed begging to not shoot herself. The blonde responds to her husband, " youre next *******!"

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So you know those super rare pets where all the stats are +849? I've heard you get them from Deeper Well on Easy. But I can never complete the mission! I need some help on it. My builders and DPS aren't good enough. I'll be paying with upgraded cubes, small coal, and maybe even some HPDs.

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In the spirit of blonde jokes...

A blind man sits down at the bar and figures he'll break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?"


In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, our bouncer is blonde, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other side of me is 6'2, 250 lbs, and a rugby player. The guy sitting next to you is pushing 300, 6'6, and he's a wrestler. We're ALL blonde. So you think about it mister, do you really wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man sat for a second, thinking over the odds and then replied "No, not if I have to explain it five times."

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I also have a blonde joke. (you might've heard this before)

A blonde, brunette and redhead die in a car accident.

They arrive at the pearly gates and are told a joke every 10 steps and they must make it up 100 steps. If they laugh they will not be allowed to get in.

The brunette went up 30 steps and laughed. The redhead made it up 50 steps and laughed. The blonde got up all the way to the top and then started laughing hysterically.

When asked "Why did you laugh when you got to the top?" The blonde replied, "I just got the first joke!"

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Can someone please tell me where I get this event item with 39999 upgrades?

THIS IS MRDERPYNARWHAL on wrong account. Derp.

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[WTB] A few good laughs.....paying with Diamonds!!

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve noble gases." Helium doesn't react.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp. "Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened". Yeah it did, he said. "I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my best friend." The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. "This one's on the house". The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife ? " The guy answers "Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bag's and get out !" "What about your friend ?" asks the bartender. "I looked him straight in the eye and said BAD DOG"

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The kid goes to the dad and says: "Dad, i'm cold"
Dad: "Go to the corner"
Kid: "Dad, why?"
Dad: "'Cause it's 90 degrees there"

Dad: "What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a stick of glue?"
Kid: "Idk"
Dad: "You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna"
Kid: "What about the glue?"
Dad: "I knew you were gonna get stuck on that part"

Ty, /r/dadjokes.

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The doctor says to the patient: "I've got bad news and some more bad news. The bad news is, you've got cancer. And the more bad news... You've also got Alzheimer's disease. So the patient thinks for a minute and then she says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
This is an Orange is the New Black joke. I'm not a horrible person... I swear ._.

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This is a real story:

I joined a DD game. Some guy hacked Dad's Spear ( Why? ). Made it red and 3 times as big.

He upgraded the hammer since he thought it was damage. It was generic resistance.
Since he didn't put any %, he didn't get any damage or actual resistance, so he had a hack stick that did nothing.
And that's the story of the Ugly Barnacle.
(Not actual Steam Name)

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A man walks into a bar, and upon sitting down is promptly told, "This bar is incredible! The bartender serves apples of any flavor, any one that you can think of!"

"That's incredible, you can't expect me to believe that." The bartender looks up and says, "It's true, mate. Any flavor."

"Okay, do you have coke and rum?" The bartender serves him an apple. "No way.. this tastes like coke!" "Turn it around" Says the bartender. "It tastes like rum!" Exclaimed the man.

A second man takes a seat next to the two, hearing the commotion. "Hey, mate, you have to try this! The bartender can serve you any flavor apple that you can think of!" Says the first man. "You can't expect me to believe that!" He replies. "Any flavor." the bartender says. "Okay, get me a gin and tonic." He is handed an apple, and upon taking a bite his face lights up. "It tastes like gin!" "Turn it around" Says the bartender. "It tastes like tonic! I don't believe it!" he exclaims.

A third man walks over, hearing the commotion. "What's the fuss about?" he asks. All three men who are already seated pipe up about the apples. "Any flavor, eh? Well... I doubt it. Get me one that tastes like *****!" The bartender, as in the previous cases, hands the man an apple. The man revolts, and nearly throws up. "This tastes like ****!" He shouts.

The bartender replies "Turn it around."



SID: Necyrbwolf

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As per your idea, here's a joke ;^):

[quote]A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.[/quote]

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These are great guys. Keep em coming. Feel free to enter as many times as you like. Will let it run for another day or so

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How to you get a blond girl on the roof? You say drinks are on the HOUSE!

There was TWO Blind Joiners and one SAW ;) hope u get it :3

Yo momma so fat Not even DORA could EXPLORE HER!

THeres a 10000000000000000000000000000000 Particles in the universe. that we can observe YO mamma took the ugly Ones and put them into 1 NERD!

"Did I ever tell you the joke about the maze? Ah, nevermind, it's too corny

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An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative.

But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

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Oooh another one, at least PB will stick around :)

A young guy from Michigan moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Michigan."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One."

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average sales from 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Michigan, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing...'"


--------------------------------------

A Texas Chili Contest

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my *** with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am Worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

---------------------------------------------------------

(Mom parallel parks on a street)

Mom: Am I close enough to the curb?
Daughter: (looks down out open door) Yeah you've got like 2 or 3 inches. (gets out)
(Mom walks around van and looks at the curb)
Mom: If you think that's 2 or three inches your boyfriend is going to be really happy.

----------------------------------

(btw I'm not Kevin)

My Letter To Hy-Top Foods
23 04 2009

Last night I ran out of the food I typically feed my dog and had to run to my local supermarket at 11pm. This is what I purchased. And subsequently, below is the letter I sent to the manufacturer.

Dear Mr. Antelo, I am writing out of concern for the animals who consume your “premium” Hy-Top “dog food.” I have a difficult time referring to this product as dog food because my dog was confused as to why I would put something in his dog dish that was inedible. At first, I thought he had an upset stomach because he wouldn’t go near the food. Every time I prodded him to enjoy his dinner, he looked at me as if I was his captor in Guantanamo. So I threw the contents of the bowl into the garbage and waited until morning. The same thing happened the next morning. So I immediately went to a different store and purchased a different brand of food which he ate hungrily. Let me further illustrate my point.

Here is a list of things my dog will eat:

-His own poop

-My cat’s poop

-Plastic bottles

-Toilet water

-Tampons

-Glass shards

-Cigarette butts

-Used bandages

-Whole pumpkins

-Windex

If you observe carefully, your Hy-Top dog food is not on this list. You have, in fact, created the only product my dog has never had the urge to put in his mouth. Now if you could only manufacture couches out of the same materials as your “dog food,” perhaps my dog wouldn’t chew on my ****ing furniture.

Sincerely,

Kevin

----------------------------------------------

And two phrases of immense wisdom:

Problems can not be solved with the same level of thinking that created them. - Albert Einstein

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” - H Jackson Brown Jr.

Enjoy!

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I got some good ones, provided by /r/dadjokes

Dad : "Did you know a tiger can jump higher than a tree?"
Kid : "Huh? Wow, why's that?"
Dad : "You see, it's easy. Trees don't jump"


Dad : "Son, I need to tell you one thing"
Kid : "What is it?"
Dad : "One thing"

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Yo mamas so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo mamas so stupid she thought light sabres had zero calories.

Yo mama so fat the sun revolves around her.

Yo mama so fat she uses the ocean as a bathtub.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups. He does earth downs.

There was a street called Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It isn't dead, it's just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, but Death hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

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Oooh another one, at least PB will stick around :)

A young guy from Michigan moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Michigan."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One."

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average sales from 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Michigan, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing...'"


--------------------------------------

A Texas Chili Contest

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my *** with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am Worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

---------------------------------------------------------

(Mom parallel parks on a street)

Mom: Am I close enough to the curb?
Daughter: (looks down out open door) Yeah you've got like 2 or 3 inches. (gets out)
(Mom walks around van and looks at the curb)
Mom: If you think that's 2 or three inches your boyfriend is going to be really happy.

----------------------------------

(btw I'm not Kevin)

My Letter To Hy-Top Foods
23 04 2009

Last night I ran out of the food I typically feed my dog and had to run to my local supermarket at 11pm. This is what I purchased. And subsequently, below is the letter I sent to the manufacturer.

Dear Mr. Antelo, I am writing out of concern for the animals who consume your “premium” Hy-Top “dog food.” I have a difficult time referring to this product as dog food because my dog was confused as to why I would put something in his dog dish that was inedible. At first, I thought he had an upset stomach because he wouldn’t go near the food. Every time I prodded him to enjoy his dinner, he looked at me as if I was his captor in Guantanamo. So I threw the contents of the bowl into the garbage and waited until morning. The same thing happened the next morning. So I immediately went to a different store and purchased a different brand of food which he ate hungrily. Let me further illustrate my point.

Here is a list of things my dog will eat:

-His own poop

-My cat’s poop

-Plastic bottles

-Toilet water

-Tampons

-Glass shards

-Cigarette butts

-Used bandages

-Whole pumpkins

-Windex

If you observe carefully, your Hy-Top dog food is not on this list. You have, in fact, created the only product my dog has never had the urge to put in his mouth. Now if you could only manufacture couches out of the same materials as your “dog food,” perhaps my dog wouldn’t chew on my ****ing furniture.

Sincerely,

Kevin

----------------------------------------------

And two phrases of immense wisdom:

Problems can not be solved with the same level of thinking that created them. - Albert Einstein

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” - H Jackson Brown Jr.

Enjoy!

Omg that first joke deserves a medal. That gave me a good laugh.

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